haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
