At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
