Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
