I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
