Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
