She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
