Plan B is the new Plan A
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
