Swine flu. Run for my life!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Oh god it's open bar.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize