I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
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I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize