I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
