Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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