another moral hangover. fuck.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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