I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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