he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
