And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
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stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
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Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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