just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
