what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
