Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
