she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
do nipples grow back?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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