The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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