Cold hands, warm shart.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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