He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
