can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
