Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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