It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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