you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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