And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
