He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I fill condoms, not promises.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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