After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
