Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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