So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
