What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize