I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize