he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
