3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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