In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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