if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
