I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
