we have pet lesbian snakes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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