No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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