I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
two words: eviction party
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
