i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
