walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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