If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
