Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize