who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
