I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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