it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
