Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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