What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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