and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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