I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the day after is always just damage control
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
