His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
