God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
