hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
