taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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