I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
