i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
