shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
